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Personal Tales and Thoughts—and
"Across Borders"
Welcome to this blog presentation page: There’s a lot to discover on this blog, and there is no better place to
get to know me than here. Please be aware that no entry here is out of date or invalid, so you can start from the beginning;
it’s like reading a book or a magazine if you like.
Tip! By clicking a blog entry image, you will go there.
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| Entry 38: August 2, 2009 |
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Does marching make us proud? |
So once again, the biggest yearly event in Stockholm has
passed. This past week I have been quite occupied with Pride seminars and other events and it feels good now that it’s
all over. Not that I have been involved in any arrangements or such, but...
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Stockholm, August 2009 —To be continued— |
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| Entry 35: July 17, 2009 |
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Tent and a path to the sea, what more do you need to feel
free.
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Camping, whatever is that? I had read about it, seen pictures
and heard reports from several excursions. It all seemed fun and an environment protective and a green thing to do, at least
in my imagination it is. Sometimes, as now, I don’t believe my own imagination...
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| Entry 36: July 21, 2009 |
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To feel free, we escape and try to flee like a dog attached
to reality.
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Camping, I guess it’s something we do for fun and not
for convenience. If there’s a formula for doing both, I most certainly could have use for that. Me not having been out
camping for years, getting old and so, I think convenience outweighs fun somehow. But then again...
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| Entry 37: July 25, 2009 |
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We leave to come home enlightened, another way. |
What do we appreciate with camping the most, what is the
gain; is it planning the excursion, doing it, or is it having done it when safe back home again? It’s hard to say really
as there are so many impressions to take in and analyze. However, I do believe we need to go camping...
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Gizmo Camping, July 2009 —The End— |
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Life & Relations: Marriage, June 2009
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| Entry 31: June 27, 2009 |
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Marriage 1: a track to follow,
but where to? |
When Marianne and I met we never in our wildest dreams could
have imagined ourselves ending up here. Of all odd things in life, this us getting married with me changing gender, I guess
no one could have foreseen. In most societies this couldn’t, or rather shouldn’t, happen, as same sex marriage
was not allowed here in Sweden at that time: December 2005. But like in a fairytale where anything can happen, it happened...
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| Entry 32: June 29, 2009 |
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Marriage 2: vows of freedom
in both mind and soul? |
Talking about marriage we do in various ways… with
others. Do we talk about it ourselves? YES OF COURSE we do, before we marry; but how about after? What is there to talk about
then? Could it be that we only talk about our marriage “after” when in crises? But what about the reverse, do
we talk about it when we’re happily married too? Yes we do… in various ways, but it’s seldom that the sound
of talk is heard...
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| Entry 33: July 2, 2009 |
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Marriage 3: like colors making light,
we merge? |
There sometimes are moments of pure joy, what makes them?
That magic formula compressed to a pill would be something to sell. However, the best moments usually are unexpected, and
when we are expected to enjoy ourselves we most times need such a pill. As a pair our joy together is expected to last forever
by the vows we exchange, but we need to seek the unexpected to prove our vows valid and make our love last...
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| Entry 34: July 9, 2009 |
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Marriage 4: Apart we come closer,
in silence we meet. |
Why do we seek a partner, a spouse? Sexual intimacy…
Yes of course. Children… Hmm, yes why not? And…? We don’t think that much further emotionally, do we?
Not when we are okay with everything; and if not, we divorce, “no further questions asked”...
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| Entry 39: August 13, 2009 |
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Marriage 5: When lost, the way back you will find within. |
In marriage we can win and lose a lot and sometimes I wonder
what? If I ask myself and others to make a list of each, both lists would be very long. But I wonder if the lose list wouldn’t
be the longest after all. Could it be that we are more afraid of losing than winning...
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| Entry 40: August 20, 2009 |
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Marriage 6: It’s there before your feet, but will you
ever get there?
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To enter a marriage is not that difficult; to maintain it
is quite a different story. To quit or dissolve a marriage can be as easy as filling in a form; to separate from a loved one
or being forced apart is however not that easy. Marriage can be like life at its best, but...
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Life & Relations: Marriage, June 2009 —To
be continued—
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| Entry 27: April 5, 2009 |
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High up we find our roots to
happiness. |
Yesterday we experienced our first real spring day here in
Stockholm, it was warm and the sun was shining from a clear blue sky. Yes, both Marianne and I have been waiting and now finally
it was here, the first real sign of summer approaching. We had made ourselves ready...
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| Entry 28: April 16, 2009 |
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When we are given a sign, we should pause and listen. |
These first spring signs always make me stop as they are
so special and I guess rather typical to Sweden. As you may know by now I like poetry and the way a line or two can convey
not just a message but feelings too, these flowers very much impersonate that by their appearance...
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| Entry 29: May 10, 2009 |
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Life: where do we go from here? |
As my computer broke down coming home after a short journey,
life was put to a halt. Well, maybe it’s not the right way of expressing it, but in an opening sentence like this, I
think it’s as close I can get. My computer broke down all right, but I didn’t stop breathing...
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| Entry 30: June 18, 2009 |
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The water we stand over, the water
that made us. |
There are so many thoughts when we’re standing there
looking down into our very own existence, water. I’m not sure if it comes with age, I have a feeling that these thoughts
have been following me all along but in various shapes, like the water under a bridge is constantly changing...
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Stockholm, April 2009 —The End— |
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Charlottesville, March 2009
High Flying Fiction Stories |
| Entry 24: March 22, 2009 |
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Fantasy! Science fiction! Hard fiction? True fiction??? |
I’m traveling back home from the Virginia book festival;
what did happen? A lot I would say and yet another positive experience meeting people presenting myself and my writing. I
felt very welcome and appreciated by all stopping by meeting me at my book table and...
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High Flying Fiction Stories 2 |
| Entry 25: March 29, 2009 |
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Fantasy! Fiction! Whatever! In our time they merge. |
Okay, I haven’t forgotten you, but this week has been
rather tiresome. I have done a lot and yet accomplished not so much. One of those weeks I would say and I’m not going
to bore you with that. So I took the opportunity doing some more writing when Marianne was asleep and...
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High Flying Fiction Stories, the End |
| Entry 26: March 31, 2009 |
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Fantasy and fiction, something to rely on. |
There was just this, I never really left Charlottesville,
not in mind that is. And why should I. Good memories last a long time I would say and Charlottesville fulfilled all criteria
needed for that. So chances that I will be back next year I rate as rather high, we’ll see. Anyway, I must not forget
our little story ending, as story telling was one of the main reasons that made me go there. So, when fantasy and fiction
take over the scene, what will happen next?...
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Charlottesville, March 2009 —The End— |
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Traveling, a Message and then Thoughts |
| Entry 18: February 16, 2009 |
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Traveling alone can sometimes make your mind wander. |
It was on the bus between Gatwick and Heathrow airports that
my mobile phone rang. This was Saturday and I was on my way home from Guernsey. A friend called me and I got the message that
another mutual friend had died about two and a half weeks ago...
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Beyond visual understanding |
| Entry 19: February 23, 2009 |
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When the image of a person is lost,
look for the soul. |
I was presented to a painting Saturday evening with “What
do you think? What is this supposed to be?” he said to me. Well yes, a man; not the painting, there was a man presenting
that painting to me and there were three of them; men that is. Marianne and I had been invited...
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Darkness; the Light Within |
| Entry 20: February 28, 2009 |
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What would light be without darkness, would we exist? |
So, by the sight of a painting a story was born. But as this
story passes far beyond the limit of the sixth sense, will anyone understand??? Do we need to understand art? Not really,
it’s the feeling and what we see in it that counts and with a spoonful of imagination added...
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| Entry 21: March 6, 2009 |
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An opening makes you see farther extending your thoughts. |
Yet a week has passed and I’ve been thinking. Okay,
I actually do that at times and it’s a process of confusion. I don’t mean those worldly things like war, peace,
pollution and that stuff, which is already pretty much clear and displayed in media what to think. No this is more basic...
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Across Borders: The Soul - Introduction |
| Entry 22: March 7, 2009 |
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What is it? How do you find it? The
soul is us, what
we are.
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There is this light we can’t see and yet it’s
there showing the way. I guess we all know the word soul by the letters, but the meaning of the word is very vague. To me
the soul is about life, to be alive, and to be alive as a person. To me the soul also has become to be my true self, the person
I am. The change of gender that I have experienced, in many terms was an alarm bell waking me up and rather early I got aware
that society and science explanations about gender didn’t add up...
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| Entry 23: March 13, 2009 |
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Streets meet and run along the waterfront where the water
is deep.
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There, one week older and it’s not my fault. During
the past week I have actually done something and nothing. This doing something and yet not knowing if I have accomplished
anything can be very irritating. So what did I do? Actually, I grabbed the moment...
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Stockholm, February 2009 —The End— |
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Water and How It All Started |
| Entry 1: January 21, 2009 |
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What about water, life, that water from which we originate.
Why?
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I left home for a four week trip to a place I like very much
and I installed myself as I usually do in an apartment overlooking a small city and its harbor. And among all these my very
odd installation routines, it always includes to go down to the harbor to the fishmonger...
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| Entry 2: January 22, 2009 |
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In old ancient fairytales we meet them and in real life too,
sometimes.
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Yesterday’s cliff walk was a hit. I really felt it
deep in my soul and in my legs. In spite of that and in line with what I decided yesterday, I found myself at the starting
point of the cliff path that would take me back to town once more. Okay, I’m on a diet trying to lose 10 pounds...
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| Entry 3: January 23, 2009 |
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At the horizon there is water and sky, and the trees in-between
keep them together.
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I got up fairly early (I won’t mention time here, for
me time is relative). I made myself breakfast, did some work on my computer and started more and more feeling my legs. Ohh
God, yes I for sure felt my legs after yesterday’s walk. Rain and again rain, it was raining and the showers passing
like in relay were very intense. Oh yes, where...
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| Entry 4: January 24, 2009 |
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When out on your own, your mind is allowed to wander freely.
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A wonderful day, I just can’t wait to get out. Okay,
practical details first, waking up and all that. Breakfast, makeup, traffic-jam, bus stop location changed, I had to run,
bus late…
A wonderful day and I’m back on my cliff path again. What a day! It’s still January...
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A Spooky and Pleasant Experience |
| Entry 5: January 25, 2009 |
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When light brightens your path, then, why not look, feel
and follow?
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Rain and a grey thick cloud with no visible edges in any
direction and it seemed to have parked there, just right above me, and not wanting to move. “Pick up some positive thinking!
Where?” I said and asked myself at the same time. I ate my breakfast while the rain was pouring...
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When the Deep Sea Is Calling |
| Entry 6: January 26, 2009 |
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High above and deep down below,
a voice made me stop
and listen.
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Good weather a perfect day, except for one thing. I finally
bought the right type of battery for that bathroom scale and got it working. But what for? What was I expecting? I have gained
strength and I feel really fit, but does that show? Whatever that scale showed me in hard fact digits...
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Clear Sweet Water Made a Silent Day |
| Entry 7: January 27, 2009 |
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It didn’t rain, but those drops that had fallen, showed
up in silence.
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In one sense I felt exhausted, in another sense intrigued.
When starting this day out walking, I didn’t know or was aware of nothing. But when back in town again in my apartment,
and in silence having dinner on my own, pleased looking out into the darkness of the night, I begin...
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Reality the Ultimate Illusion |
| Entry 8: January 28, 2009 |
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When time passes beyond our horizon, we sit and wait for
a better yesterday.
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I have really enjoyed these cliff walks, but reality demands
my attention now and then. Weather is not so good, but that’s not the reason why I stay put in my apartment as I do
today. I would have been out on the path if it wasn’t that I sometimes have work to do. Well, I actually...
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| Entry 9: January 31, 2009 |
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Why not share, when you can’t enjoy the moment by yourself?
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Well, I didn’t exactly wait; instead I was preparing
myself for the moment. I had been out on the cliff path again and taken some pictures. However, my concentration was elsewhere.
Lobster: I was going to pick up two lobsters I had ordered at the fishmongers the day before...
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| Entry 10: February 2, 2009 |
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Even if you haven’t done anything, could that be an
event in itself?
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Early morning, a rare occasion as we woke up. Snow and about
eight inches of it had fallen during the night. On this island that doesn’t happen often, at least not as much as this.
It was 18 years ago since last time they say. And as a result, most things public transport...
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| Entry 11: February 3, 2009 |
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When you have run out of options in you life, why not lunch?
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Out of curiosity yet another stupid idea had crossed my mind,
and as such I knew Marianne would fall for it flat. Absolutely forbidden and beyond a decent thing to do, at least at this
time a day. But even so, an irresistible though. This about food; you eat because...
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After Bad Weather Comes the Sun? |
| Entry 12: February 5, 2009 |
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Where the sun is, I am. If it’s cloudy,
I look
beyond and make my day
anyway.
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After three days of bad weather everything suddenly calmed
down and the sea evened out just beautifully. If not completely flat, it certainly felt so. Marianne and I took the bus out
to the cliffs at noon for a short walk. We took another route this time, a route with not so much climbing up and down as
the path to town. A perfect day...
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Directions Carved in Stone |
| Entry 13: February 8, 2009 |
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Going downhill; going farther down,
or follow your sign?
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Yesterday morning Marianne went back home to Stockholm and
I was out on the cliff path again, same path as before taking me back to town. The day before yesterday Marianne and I celebrated
with a fancy dinner at one of the island’s best restaurants, a tradition we don’t want to miss...
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“Life” Following Our Path |
| Entry 14: February 9, 2009 |
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Even in darkness there is light, but
which one to follow?
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Life has its turns and twists and you can not always prepare
for what is coming.
I rose from the bench and let someone else guide me. The direction at that time didn’t
seem to matter much. But someone else or something took charge and led me following the path back to town. Technically, it
was the very same path I had walked all the other days before this “Oh Yes!” but as time and dimensions had changed,
I rose up far from technicalities...
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“Existence” Life Following Time |
| Entry 15: February 10, 2009 |
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At the edge we apprehend our
existence. It’s also
there we are reborn.
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Life can take you anywhere and nowhere at the same time and
come to think of it, is there a difference? I have been there at the abyss a number of times and I guess like a cat’s
having nine lives, I have used all mine. However, I’m not counting anymore. And again this is not about death, it’s
about life, the feeling of being alive and it’s about the future. It often happens that I think about life and what
makes us exist as a person. Walking the cliff path with its scenery...
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| Entry 16: February 11, 2009 |
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Through the gate where everything starts and ends, only our
true selves
can pass.
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Wakening up this morning felt different. On Saturday I’m
going back home to Stockholm and my four week cliff walking trip will come to an end. I wonder: will coming back home feel
different from when I left? I would say: there is only one way to find out. I have to go there! I know what to bring and I’m
going to take that step if needed and without a second thought. I will leave nothing of value behind and when I look back
on my visit here on this small wonderful island, the path I have walked...
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| Entry 17: February 13, 2009 |
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As in all tales with happy endings, my cliff walk has ended
happily too.
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Back in town, so what did happen? This is my last day here
on this island... By the way if you haven’t figured it out yet, the island is Guernsey and the town’s name
is St. Peter Port. It’s one of those small English channel islands between England and France. Anyway...
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Guernsey, January 2009 —The End— |
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© Li Sam, All rights reserved. |
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